we find ourselves again on christmas day

i've been listening to christmas music all day and now i really want it to be christmas.

although i really need to do some christmas shopping before that... oh well at least i've finally gotten into the christmas spirit.

nothing seems as pretty as the past though

so the most important lesson i learned this week is that group papers suck. they suck hard. i've always hated group projects, so that's nothing new. but i've never done a group paper before. and it was unpleasant. i like the people in my group and they were all pretty dedicated to the project, which is important, but some of them were not the best writers. bad grammar is one thing, but when you can't get your point across in your (too short) section of the paper, that's a problem that i had to fix because no one else seemed willing to edit. i think it turned out ok, but i sacrificed sleep for it when no one else did.

i think the presentation went very well, even though every presentation has been very different so far so it's hard to compare them. all in all, i think we did a bangin' job, but it was 2 days of hell for me.

it's also snowing really hard right now :)

i only have one full week of classes left (plus one more day after that) and then finals. where the hell did this semester go? i couldnt wait for most of my classes to end but i dont really want to leave consumer behavior just yet. i've never had a class where i felt like that. it's a little surprising actually.

and on to the bragging section of my blog, i played cranium with my roommates and a few other people last night and B and i won. it's the mind meld. fuck yeah.

so to sum up my life in this past month: waters of mars, singstar, thanksgiving in the hospital, massive freak out, slight delirium, group paper, casual business attire, casanova, mind meld, rainbow cookies, and a zombie scare.

everything's in order in a black hole

so i kind of suck when it comes to blogging these days. i'm sure there are thousands of people who have been waiting a month and a half to find out what i have to say about my life. so i must not keep my fans waiting any longer.

i would like to start off by giving myself a pat on the back for changing my minor without a repeat of past freak outs. i dropped econ and replaced it with international business. and it didnt even take me that long to decide that! look at me, getting all grown up about decision making. and then promptly ruining it by pointing that out.

in other news, i just had to have my hard drive wiped for the second time this semester. the first time it was because basically everything i have inexplicably got corrupted. this time it was a virus. my computer really really really fucking hates me. apparently. i dont exactly understand computers at all, but i now know how to reinstall everything that's on my computer. because i've done it more times than i would like in a pretty short span of time. and by me, i mean mostly my dad and my suitemate's boyfriend. but i did some things. however this time i may or may not have lost all of my stuff. we'll see.

so i finally sort out my major and my computer takes over as a major problem in my life. i think this must mean that my life is trying to balance itself out or something. like i've got to stay somewhere in between really depressed and really happy. and if one area in my life that is usually a mess sorts itself out, another area needs to take over. so i'll always have something to freak out about. that's a comforting thought i guess...

on the bright side i got a 100% on my statistics midterm. it was only 3 problems and worth 40% of my grade. which means i'm in excellent shape for this class so far. so i'm impressed with myself again.

i've really got to stop patting myself on the back via blog. it's a little sad and makes me look kinda conceited.

moving on, B and i went to visit K at her school for her birthday and that was way more awesome than i thought it would be. first of all, B and i did not get lost at all. so that was nice. and i finally got to visit C's school. and our birthday/halloween party was pretty sweet. and i still managed to do well on 2 out of 3 of my midterms that i took right after that weekend. thank god. i dont know what my grade on the last one is yet. and that one is pretty important... so maybe i'm speaking too soon.

i could probably keep rambling on and on about my life since it's been so freakin long since i've posted anything. i should probably just stop now so i can start being productive.

to sum up my life right recently: midterms, homework, torchwood, contemporary dance, a painless class registration, lots o' halloween candy, almost throwing laptop against wall, delicious breakfast wrap, "more than a feeling," and chewy chips ahoy.

this speech is my recital, i think it's very vital- the summer recap post

so it's been two months since my last blog post, i think it must be time for an update.

i stopped writing because my life just got too crazy and i didnt have the time to narcissistically talk about myself. i think i have that time again.

my summer class went well. i dont think i really learned too much. but i got an A and now i have one less requirement i have to take within the next two years. i was happy when it was over.

i had a surprisingly good time at my summer job. those people are great and i had a fun time just hanging out in the front office with my mentor and whoever else was around. our office picnic was woodstock themed so we all dressed as hippies. they played beer pong. it's so weird to see adults play beer pong. haha. i was pretty sad to leave on my last day. definitely a difference from last year when i really just wanted to get the hell out of there.

moving was an experience. i missed out on a ton of it because i was at the office when the movers packed everything and when they moved all of it into the new house. but apparently they were the worst we've ever had (and we've moved a lot, so that's really saying something) and my parents were extremely stressed out. but it worked out. and i love my new room. the house isnt done by any means yet though. we still have a couple rooms with no furniture since we trashed a lot of it in the move. it may take a while before it's finished. but whatever, i'm back at school now and dont have to deal with the boxes anymore. and they were starting to drive me crazy after a month.

we moved back to school and our new dorm is amazing. B and i live with two other girls in an apartment-style dorm and it is awesome. i love having a kitchen and a common room. having a single room is weird, but nice. i also really like living on this side of campus, although it's significantly farther away from all of my classes, which blows. but i think i can suck it up.

and i turned 20 last week. i didnt have any sort of freak-out, which surprised me a little. maybe it's because i wasnt blogging. but whatever. i'm ok that i'm now in my 20s. i never can predict what freak outs i'll have...

so i thought this summer would suck because no one would be around, i'd be working full time, taking a summer class, and moving. but it all worked out. yeah, i was really stressed for about a month and had to deal with a lot of family intensity during the move, but i really did have a great summer. T was gone for 6 weeks, but i still saw her a lot- 6 weeks is not all of summer. H left really early in the summer and that definitely did suck, i still miss her greatly. and when both H and T were gone at the same time, the group dynamic was definitely different. but i think the group did ok. and i spent more time with J, Vi, and S, which is nice.

and i spent a ridiculous amount of time in fair lawn, or with fair lawn people, which is great. i'm pretty sure i pissed off my parents by spending my weekdays in the office and my weekends in fair lawn. and i definitely didnt sleep as much as i would have liked this summer. and i rarely went to church. and some shit went down. but all that combined to make this summer one crazy, stressful, hectic, amazing time.

some major events recap:

my dad's retirement- the first time my two groups of friends combined, my first visit to sonic (amazing), DISNEY VACATION!, helen leaves france :(, fourth of july in fair lawn, move into new house, shortly followed by me getting violently ill for a few days, weekend in leurenkill (where i get my appetite back), i quit work, we visit I in the city when it's 95 degrees, B's two birthday parties, everyone goes back to school, end of summer and start of junior year

so that's where i am in my life right. i think i'm all caught up now.

"That's what I love about Torchwood. By day, you're chasing the scum of the universe, come midnight you're the wedding fairy."

alright so update for the house: we closed yesterday so we officially own it! the packers come next tuesday and they move the stuff into the new house next friday. everything is happening pretty fast.

the house is pretty awesome and i'm looking forward to moving. i think my parents did a good job picking out a house. it's really nice although i hate the idea of living in a neighborhood, especially one i frequently get lost in. but i drove from the new house to J's yesterday and it took like 5 minutes! i'll be extremely close to S, J, I, and Vi. i'll have to figure out the fastest way to get to T's. i dont think i'm necessarily any closer. but still, it will definitely cut down on driving time. so that's good.

i counted it out: 5 days left in the current house as it is. after that they'll be boxes all over the place. i'm definitely going to be sad to leave here. especially now that my room is so clean. haha. but i am looking forward to having a house that we own so we can paint the walls and think long term and stuff. although when we own a house my dad tends to get crazy with all the projects he wants to do... oh well.

anyway i still have some more work to do before we move. F and i need to clean out the bathroom closet hardcore. hopefully i have time to do that this weekend.

also, RIP Ianto Jones. i will miss you terribly. torchwood will never be the same without you.

"The 21st century is when everything changes... and Torchwood is ready"

one more hour left of work! thank god. mondays suck.

i think i'm over my massive freak out and am now handling things. so that's good. the summer semester ends on august 6th, so i can definitely stick this out for less than a month right? right. i've got this.

of course we'll see how things go later on in the semester when i'm apparently expected to read this entire freaking textbook in a very limited amount of time...

anyway the room cleaning is going well. but F keeps trying to make me look bad by saying how much work she's done to her room but it's like 1) her room needed more work anyway, it was gross 2) i have 5 years more stuff than she has and 3) i work full time and i'm taking a class so i dont have nearly as much time as she does since she's on summer break and doing nothing but socializing (which she claims takes work). whatevs. i dont really care how awesome her room looks. eventually my room in the new house will look kick ass.

so that's my life right now. thrilling stuff let me tell you.

and the 5 part torchwood mini-series aired last week so i have some tv to watch. words cannot express how much i love whoever posted them online in the best quality in the world. i... i just love that person so much.

"I can see the whole of time and space. Every single atom of your existence, and I divide them."

this week is going by painfully slow. i think all the clocks in my house are trying to tell me something about time. the power was off in my house this morning so i couldnt check my cable box for the time like i usually do. so i looked at my watch but the battery had died about an hour earlier. of course i still have an alarm clock and a cell phone that could tell me the time but that's not the point to this story. the point is, at 7:00 when i rolled out of bed this morning, the first two places i looked to tell me the time while getting ready did not work. it made me feel that time had stopped. weird feeling, especially when you're sleep deprived.

the dangers of going back to work after being in disney world i guess.

not that i really want time to go any faster because i still have a lot of work to do on my room before we move... but i'm going to complain anyway. because time never satisfies me. i will always find something bad to say about time.

i wish i was a time lord so that i could see time this way:

"People assume that time is a strict progression of cause to effect... but actually, from a non-linear, non-subjective viewpoint, it's more like a big ball of wibbly-wobbly.... timey-wimey.... stuff."

oh right, because i'm an idiot.

ok so while emailing B at work i realized i was using her as my blog. which she seemed ok with. but it sounded so much like my typical freak out blog posts that i think i should put it here and elaborate on my problems.

i dont know how i'm going to handle this online class. it seems like i really need to have my shit together for this. and at this point i really dont. the movers are coming in exactly two weeks, something i just realized 5 minutes ago when someone asked me what day and pointed it out how soon that is. so it's like... dude i'm so fucked. i work full time, i have a crapton of work to do for school (not that i can do it yet cause i dont have the book... this first assignment may be completely bs-ed, although i dont exactly know how to do that because it's on a subject i know nothing about), and i have so much work to do on my room before we can move. also, at some point i still need to see my rockaway friends... what the hell is wrong with me? thank god i dont have jury duty on top of this.

after that, i did get my book so i can start my work. i wont start freaking out about the subject matter until i actually look at the book. that is what i keep telling myself.

the reason i'm freaking out so much about the house is that this is going to be a house that we actually own for an extended period of time. "forever" is the word my mom keeps using but i know that's crap. "way longer than i'm used to" is more like it. and we stayed in picatinny for a while, but that's different cause it's not our house. we dont own it and we never acted like we did. yes, it still means a lot to me and i'm going to hate leaving it, but we've never looked at in the same way we're looking at this one. this move is supposed to be about setting up an actual home, so that means we've got a lot of work to do. i really wish i hadnt done this online class thing. or this full time job thing. i did all this to myself, i'm totally aware of that. why didn't i just walk away? oh right, because i'm an idiot.

oh and i just realized it's been a long time since i posted and i havent updated about the house. we close in exactly a week, so the current owners must have stopped being d-bags. my parents dont actually tell me things about this because i think they think i cant handle it or something. whatever, it seems like it will work out. i hope.

also, disney world was kick ass.

the awesome, the exciting, and the fail

so i'm back from FL again. and this time i love those people for coming here to go to H's party and hanging out with my friends. it's pretty cool when my different groups of friends get along. and they introduced me to sonic which was an amazing experience. woo! that breakfast burrito made my day.

i'm also going to disney in two days so i get a week and a half off of work to go to one of the best places in the world!

on a less awesome note, apparently the sellers of our house are being d-bags and not accepting our demands so it may not actually be our house after all. who the hell knows what's going on anymore? i just hope that we'll be able to find a new house and move before i go back to school cause i really dont want to spend my weekends unpacking the house. i know i threw a bitch fit when my parents bought this house but i had actually adjusted to it so i'll be less than thrilled if we have to find a new house. again. and when i say "we" i actually mean my parents.

it's alright, cause i'm saved by the bell

so i was going back and reading some of my old posts (because i legit have nothing to do right now, obviously) and i cant help but laugh at my severe freak outs over my major. i kept saying over and over again how my freak outs were bound to get worse and culminate in a major panic attack. however that never happened. the real outcome was actually extremely dull and anticlimactic. haha i dont ever understand myself, but i'm glad it worked out.

now let's just see how things go next semester. i'm thinking there will always be something for me to freak out about. i think it's just my way.

some people call me the space cowboy

so i'm sitting at my desk on a friday afternoon. there are many things that i could do, but not in an hour and a half so i'm stuck staring at the wall. i've been doing this all day- procrastinating the classes online that i'm supposed to take before i go on vacation. that leaves 2 more days of work and i am definitely a freakin idiot for waiting so long. but now i dont have enough time so i feel (slightly) better about myself cause at least now i have an excuse for not doing anything.

but i have nothing to do since i finished my book this morning and they blocked fmylife.

I AM SO BORED.

tonight everyone from FL is coming to my house so we can go to H's party. which should be fun. but it is not coming fast enough.

WHY DOES TIME MOVE SO SLOWLY ON FRIDAYS?

F's 8th grade graduation was yesterday. it went well but it was painfully boring. as those things tend to be. but she's been to a billion boring things for me so i must do the same.

WHAT SHOULD I DO FOR ANOTHER HOUR AND A HALF?

this sucks.

i've tried every remedy and nothing seems to work for me

so i just spent the weekend at FL. i love those people.

but now i'm back to reality. which means work. bleck. i've got all this crap to shred which means i have to take all the staples out of a lot of packets of paper. i spent 2 hours doing that this morning. and that was only half of it. i freakin hate staples.

also the new house is very pretty but it smells like dog. i'm hoping we can get rid of that cause it's kind of gross. but the house is nice and i approve of my parent's choice. i'm still not totally jazzed about moving but i'm more excited than before i guess.

in order to save money, today H chose a very similar event to my event last thursday. i'm judging her for that. and chances are mine will be cooler. i cant complain too much though because i'm always up for ice cream. haha. to be fair though her event on friday is unique which will hopefully make up for today's unoriginal failure :)

**EDIT: she actually did do something original so i can stop complaining.

this blog post turned into something totally different from when it started so i no longer have a title

so today is my dad's retirement. i feel really weird about it right now. mixed feelings i guess. right now i'm at work but i only have a half day today so i can go to the ceremony. which kind of sucks right now cause i know i have less time to be here so it's taking way longer cause i expect way less. does that make any sense? it's all about expectations. i'm so tired. and i feel like i should be home right now. F is coming home from school at 10 and i'm jealous.

anyway, F and i found out that our parents bought a house yesterday. i'm mildly excited but a little worried cause i havent seen it. so idk. i guess i just figured that i would be a little bit more involved in such a life changing activity. but apparently not. i went to see the house from the outside last night (after finding out that we bought it) and i think it's very pretty. but even if i love it i'm still going to be a little bitter about the process in which it was bought.

apparently my parents have put in an offer and it's been accepted. so technically we dont own it we still have to get a contract on it and stuff. so whatever.

anyway i'm hoping all goes well today. it's kind of a huge freaking deal that my dad is retiring from the life he's had for 28 years. and he's retiring me from the only life i've ever known. i kind of never thought this would happen. and i'm not exactly sure how to feel about it now that it is. the fact that we're going to live in a normal neighborhood 10 minutes away from an army base is freaky. cause i'll be so close to home. but i cant live there anymore cause we're not allowed. does any other army brat feel this way or is it just me? i guess not all of them have lived in a place as long as i have so they dont feel as attached. the family right down the street from us is retiring this year too but they're moving to missouri. just cause he found a job there. so i guess we're pretty lucky. i am totally rambling right now but it's preferable to doing work i think.

and it will definitely be weird to not be required to drive through staggered barriers and show ID before going home. i wonder what that's like...

who needs sleep? tell me what's that for

so all my hard work and stress over the semester paid off cause my grades are pretty bamf. woo!

i'm taking a summer class later in the summer but for now i'm just working. all day. it kind of sucks but it should be much better than last year. i hope.

i really need to adjust to this new sleep schedule though. i was totally good after the first night but then i slept too much over the weekend and destroyed it. so i got roughly 3 hours of sleep last night. epic fail on my part.

so anyway this weekend was pretty interesting. i went to my old high school's student production which was... interesting. but H and i had a good time. on saturday i went to T's house and we all watched she's the man. because we're cool like that.

sunday i went to a church picnic which could have been worse although i decided black was a good thing to wear in the sun. then my mom taught my sister to french braid on my head. so that was uncomfortable but also pretty hilarious. then A and i went to chili's and then went shopping which is how i found some really cute shoes for work for $20 when they should have been $50. i am pretty awesome at finding sales that's all i have to say.

so yeah now i'm sitting at my desk and i dont really want to go find something to do just yet. so i thought i'd work on this epic blog post for a while.

oh my parents also started house hunting and found one in d-ville that they really like. we still have time and they're going to keep looking but woo! successful so far.

"who wants out of jail?" "i do! i do!"

so i've got two finals tomorrow: one really stressful one that i have to study hardcore for and another that should be ok as long as i do some studying. but i havent started that one yet and i'm focusing completely on the first one. i'm afraid that one will crush me. it's macroeconomics and there is just too much information. so we'll see how things go.

i cant stop spacing out. i just want this semester to be over, but not really. (this makes sense in my mind, but as i'm noticing that's a very weird place to be). i want to move out since most of my stuff is out of my room and it looks really depressing, but i'm not looking forward to a summer defined by moving.

the plus side (or negative side, i havent decided yet) is that i have a job this summer. i start on the 26th. let's just hope it's better than last year's experience.

i cant study any more for macro but i know i havent studied enough yet. this blows. just 28 hours til i'm done.

random thought for a random night

this is one of the cutest things i have ever seen in my life.

seriously. it's so fuckin cute i can't even handle it.

ch-ch-changes, pretty soon now you're gonna get older

alright so it's the beginning of a new month but i have not had my traditional end of the month freak out. it's the end of the semester and i'm ok with that. so that's improvement i guess. i'm still worried about other things though.

so much change so quickly and there isnt anything i can do about that. i havent had so much change in such a long time i dont think i'm adaptable anymore. i said in all my college essays how adaptable i am because i'm an army brat and i think it's a lie. or it's the truth but it's only after i resist strongly to the change in the first place.

my dad is retiring which means that for the first time i wont have the military in my life. we're moving from the house that i've lived in the longest in my entire life. and my mom is switching jobs. how is my family supposed to get through all this at one time?

i dont want to move again. i've finally gotten to a place in my life where i dont view everything as temporary and i'm afraid i'll lose that. it's taken me 19 years to get here. i always knew we couldnt stay on an army base forever but it still shocks me that that time is now. that's the only place that's ever been home to me. 8 years seems like an impossible length of time and it surprises me that it went by so quickly.

i never would have thought i'd feel that way about this place. i was so pissed we moved here. like really really pissed in my 11 year old way. i had plans that did not include new jersey. i had friends in places i wanted to go back to. i dont feel that way anymore. i never would have thought that when people asked me where i'm from i would actually answer "new jersey" instead of "no where." is that melodramatic? whatever, that was always my answer. it isnt anymore. i'm so glad it isnt anymore.

all i want to do is dance like there's no tomorrow!

the dance recital yesterday went great! it was so awesome to be onstage again. and be backstage again just messing around. it's been a really long time since i've done that. i'm so glad i decided to do this recital this year.

also i now have a bunch of uncharacteristic articles of clothing in my closet from the recital. leggings are so not my thing. haha.

i'm now approaching end of the month freak out again. it's almost may! when the hell did i get here? it's almost the end of the semester. crap.

this freak out is having almost no impact on my ability to do work of course. and the recital did not help. i'm in a very dance place right now. i cant be bothered with homework.

something's getting in the way, something's just about to break, i will try to find my place

so i just made my traditional end of the semester list of how many classes i have left. here's how it looks:

Business Law: 3
Macroeconomics: 3
Accounting: 2
Marketing: 1

usually i when i make this list i have around 8 for some of them. i think i made this list so late this time cause i'm really not looking forward to leaving school. i'd rather not countdown cause it stresses me out. and i was right, this list is stressing me out. but i had to do it, it's tradition.

on a completely different note, the dance club's recital is this sunday. i'm pretty excited about it. i havent done any sort of performance since high school. i severely miss it. is that weird? i find myself asking that question about myself a lot lately.

also, family vacation is set to disney world for the summer. with the G family. we havent taken a vacation with them since i was 15. i'm both excited and a little worried about how things will go. i guess i'll just have to wait and see.

earth to katie's mind: you've fallen off our radar, where did you go?

my mind is all over the place lately. i have an accounting project due tonight and not only do i have no idea what exactly i'm supposed to do (powerpoint, paper, etc) but i left it until the last minute. yesterday i decided to catch up on reading instead of doing this project. that reading was totally not as important. i mean it could be worse, at least i didnt just stare into space. but still.

i think i finished it (i hope it's what she is looking for, otherwise i'm screwed) but i finished it in just enough time not to watch the doctor who easter special that i completely forgot about. it aired on SATURDAY. it's THURSDAY. what the hell is wrong with me? where has my mind gone? doctor who is like seriously one of the most important things in my life. does that sound pathetic? whatever, i'm ok with it.

hopefully i get a chance to watch it tonight or i will be royally pissed.

i could sit here and recount all of the times where i've wondered where my mind has gone lately but i'd rather not. i'd probably lose focus at some point.

i just cant focus on anything for long periods of time anymore. and we're getting down to crunch time. i'm in some serious shit for finals.

in bed asleep while they do dream things true

i dont know what it is about the end of the month now that really scares me, but lately the last day of the month has both terrified me and stressed me out. i used to think it was because i was one month closer to the end of sophomore year and i was still undeclared. but now that i'm declared i think it's just the end of sophomore year in general that's stressing me out.

the end of sophomore year marks the half-way point in my college career and it's flying by faster than i thought possible. i feel like the beginning of freshman year was last week. how is it that i'm almost halfway done with college already? it's unbelievable. i feel like my life is going by too fast for me to do anything with it.

also, the fact that this summer is a vague and undetermined mess does not make me feel any better about the end of the semester.

when does life slow down?

dreamers often lie

so i've been back at school for a week now. i've finally caught up on my work and i'm doing a lot better (mentally) since we are officially living in laurel next year and i turned in my paperwork to declare a major. i'm sure in two days though i'll be back to stressing out since i have to register for classes. i havent even picked out what i want to take yet. i intend to do that today but i'm still putting it off.

i've realized that i just dont have anything to look forward to anymore. even the summer doesnt promise to be good. i dont know what that means for my life but that realization put me in a very strange mental state.

on an unrelated note, i have a strange desire to reread romeo and juliet. i havent read it since i was 14. weird.

selfishness

the people who can only think about themselves all of the time dont make sense to me.

also the people who defend those people who are clearly spoiled brats make no sense either.

in other words, my sister and her best friend are complete mysteries to me and i've had enough of their bullshit.

if F doesnt want to spend time with me i would rather not make her because she'll sulk. a lot. and that makes everyone miserable because she doesnt give a fuck what anyone else feels or thinks. as long as we all know that she's pissed off.

i've so had enough of the human race it's ridiculous. i'm too young to be this cynical.

for the win!

so when i get back to school next week i am definitely declaring a major. my dad just talked to me and gave me his blessing and said that i dont need to major in math or science in order to get a job and i should do what i want cause i'm awesome and can definitely land a job. i may be paraphrasing that.

but basically, he made me feel good about my choice and i'm going for it.

all that can stop me now is my self and the gripping fear of actually committing to something. but for now i'm happy!

oh and wtf?

so my sister turns to my mom today and tells her she thinks she wants to be a physical therapist when she's older.

she's 14. i know she'll most likely change her mind a million times before she actually gets to college but the fact that she is actually thinking about that and voicing it to my mother and i'm a second semester sophomore who still has no fuckin clue does not put me in the best light.

i am such a mess right now. what else is new.

go me!

so i'm extremely proud of myself. i got a shot today and i didnt get dizzy or feel any other i'm-about-to-pass-out signs.

yep i'm 19 years old and i still cant get shots. my 14 sister has no problems though.

i'm such a big girl.

home

thank god it's spring break. i just need to take a breather. and ponder my life for a bit.

i went to church this morning. was asked a bunch of questions about my nonexistent major and my as yet undetermined plans for the summer. i need to make some decisions and i'm suddenly the most indecisive person in the world.

i also dyed the ends of my hair turquoise (alright so it's green now). everyone assumes i did it for st patricks day. at this point i might has well let them cause it's getting a little crazy, the number of people who think that.

i dyed my whole head purple two years ago and no one asked questions but suddenly everyone thinks i need a reason to do something weird with my hair. sometimes i just need a change. and i dont really give a damn if no one else likes/understands it. it's my hair and i will do what i want with it. i think it's awesome and that's all that matters to me.

i think i should apply this philosophy to choosing a major. i actually keep telling myself that but it's too hard...

spring break next week!

my spring break is in exactly a week thank god. i'm just tired of all things relating to school. i dont think my brain can handle any more information and i deserve a week off. also, i'm terrified of when we come back because then i need to deal with housing for next year and pick classes. but for now i will focus on the upcoming break.

and something i've been really worried about turned out fine so i'm in a much better mood.

also, B and i finally watched the next two episodes of dollhouse and i still love it. extremely interesting and really different from anything else i've seen. woo.

end of the month

i cant believe it's the last day in february already. this semester is going by so quickly.

i really just need time to stand still for a little bit.

woot

so i got my grade on the test only a few minutes after posting my last entry. i did pretty freakin well. woooo!

not bad

the accounting test was pretty easy actually, so it seems i didnt really need to freak out that badly. although it's hard to tell whether it was easy because i studied hard or if it was just an easy test. it was multiple choice which made me at least feel better since i always got numbers that were part of the answer choices. although that still doesnt necessarily mean that i did well. i guess we'll see.

now i have a business law test on monday and a macro midterm on friday. it's going to be an interesting week.

accounting test

so i have a managerial accounting exam this week and it's stressing me out. i definitely need to study but i just dont want to because the material is so boring and confusing. i could be in some trouble here. we'll see how things go.

new show!

so joss whedon has a new show called dollhouse on fox. i'm into it already. joss whedon is a genius.

buffy was excellent (i'm actually watching it right now) and firefly was definitely canceled too soon. and i've already mentioned how much i love dr horrible's sing-a-long blog.

faith from buffy and fred from angel are both in dollhouse. if joss starts to use more actors from his shows i will be very excited. especially if alan tudyk is on the show <3

anyway if it wasnt clear, i frickin love joss whedon.

hmm

so epic fail on the keeping this blog updated thing. not much has been going on so i feel i dont have too much to write about. i have my first test of the semester tomorrow that i'm a little worried about.

on a pretty sweet note: B and i have found suitemates for next year! we plan to live in a suite that has 4 singles, a bathroom, a common room, and a semi kitchen. all that was missing was the 2 other suitemates and now we have found them. i'm so glad it's working out. and B has a crapload of extra credits so i think we'll probably be able to get it. woo!

thought

so i've reached the conclusion that while i may be slightly crazy at times, it's what makes me an interesting person. sane people are dull. i'd rather be slightly off.

and that's my thought of the day.

second week is over

so i've finished my second week of classes and i'm already nervous for this semester. i think i've gotten into the swing of things but i'm not sure how i'm going to handle all of the work. it's probably more than i've ever had and it's all very complicated material. so this semester is already promising to be very stressful.

also i cant help but think about my lack of major all the time. second semester sophomore year and everyone knows what they're doing but me. i change my mind weekly. it's not good. i think i'm pretty much against accounting now since my managerial class is terribly dull. if i cant get through 3 hours of that i dont know how well i could the next couple of years of class and then the rest of my life in work.

this week's thought: marketing?

market research sounds really interesting.

we'll see how long this one lasts. or how long until my dad expresses disappointment.

side note

random comment, i love this man

he's so pretty!
and i love his accent.



haha sometimes when things get too overwhelming i need to think about stuff like this. just go with it.

yep, still a hot mess

i basically have nothing going on except that i'm a hot mess. that is pretty much defining my life right now.

L left for england today. we miss you already!

ack

so i think it would be very difficult to find someone who is more of a hot mess than i have been so far this week. its clearly not going to be a good week.

work already?

so this is the first weekend of the semester and i already have a lot of work to do. i am not pleased about this development.

also B and i decided that this is the semester where i have a massive freak out about my major/life plans. a freak out so huge that even chocolate will not solve it. its only the first week of school and i've already had a series of mini ones and i can see them building up into a giant one very soon. so i'm a little scared for that. but i'm pretty sure it's inevitable.

oops

so it's been brought to my attention that i havent updated this in a while. my bad.

i moved back into school yesterday. the price of my books is disgusting. the most i've ever spent for one semester. i can look forward to a few more years of that if i decide to be a business major cause even used business books are crazy expensive. and also maybe a few summers or a 5th year... i hate thinking about the future. too much stress.

anyway i cut 5 inches off my hair which now puts it at a normal length. i guess i still kind of look like a hippie, but it's not as bad.

L leaves for england in a few days which is a serious bummer. we'll miss her! but i'm also extremely jealous. maybe i should change my major so that i can study abroad... oh fuck now i'm thinking about the future again.

speaking of the future, my friends from home are all on some sort of a track. i want a track! i need some sort of focus for my life and i think a track is where i should start. Vi is in some sort of intense med program, S is working toward getting into optometry school, H is planning on getting her doctorate in art history, you get the idea. they've all got plans and i havent even declared a major. so being home this break has seriously stressed me out.

so it's nice to be back although i could have used a little more time without classes. here's what i'm taking this semester:

macroeconomics
principles of marketing
managerial accounting
business law I

so that should prove to be interesting.

also looking around the room right now B and i have 4 posters on the floor. we're just stepping over them. they're extremely stubborn posters and they wont stay up.

and for anyone who has been complaining, i will attempt to update this in a timely manner in the future :)

not cool

so i'm getting sick. i hate being sick. and it's C's fault. as is almost everything.

also i finished reading wicked and now i'm moving on to the sequel son of a witch. since i have no life this is all i can do.

but i'm seeing spring awakening in 3 days! wooooo.

monopoly

so yesterday T brought the old gang back together to play monopoly again. i dont think we've played it since the summer before freshman year of college yay for bringing back old traditions. we started playing electronic monopoly but that was pretty dull (credit cards really take away from watching someone slowly die) so we switched back to the old game which got pretty intense. basically the whole board was a monopoly. but i landed on too many before i could build up mine so i went bankrupt :( so much for being a business major.

G should have won but then there was cake so she gave all her stuff to J who won the game. haha. monopoly gets pretty cutthroat. except when there's cake involved.

also church lasted too long today. and my dad says that he wants to go to a real church when we move. i dont want to go to a real church! i like my small military one. they have bagels. that's what gets me out of bed on sundays. not cool.

happy new years!

so i just spent 3 and a half days in fair lawn and it was awesome.

but sleeping on B's floor with a bunch of other people is not as comfortable as i would like it to be. i also havent gotten enough sleep and i'm delirious. i'm not sure if the following blog post will make any sense.

i came home from fair lawn this morning and went straight to get a physical (i'm still not really sure why, but whatever). i got that guardasil shot thing. my mom has been debating whether or not F and i should get it for like 2 years now and so when she said that i was going to get it i assumed she had made a decision. i was wrong. while sitting in the waiting room she asked me if all my friends have it (i have no idea, i try to avoid talking about shots) and then proceeded to give me reasons why i should and should not get this shot. and then after the nurse left the room after just telling her that she wanted us to get the shot she continued the debate with herself. i dont like shots. in fact i get closer to passing out every time i get one. and it didnt help that right after that they took more of my blood than i was willing to let go of. it wasnt cool. especially since my mother continued the debate up until the shot was actually in my arm.

the problem here is that i will have to get that shot two more times. so i'll probably get to here more of this stupid one person debate.

anyway, the point here is that i'm not sure if i'm living my own life anymore. my opinions on this shot were never considered even though i am old enough by law to make these decisions on my own. just a small example of a problem on a bigger scale. as is my life.