"who wants out of jail?" "i do! i do!"

so i've got two finals tomorrow: one really stressful one that i have to study hardcore for and another that should be ok as long as i do some studying. but i havent started that one yet and i'm focusing completely on the first one. i'm afraid that one will crush me. it's macroeconomics and there is just too much information. so we'll see how things go.

i cant stop spacing out. i just want this semester to be over, but not really. (this makes sense in my mind, but as i'm noticing that's a very weird place to be). i want to move out since most of my stuff is out of my room and it looks really depressing, but i'm not looking forward to a summer defined by moving.

the plus side (or negative side, i havent decided yet) is that i have a job this summer. i start on the 26th. let's just hope it's better than last year's experience.

i cant study any more for macro but i know i havent studied enough yet. this blows. just 28 hours til i'm done.

random thought for a random night

this is one of the cutest things i have ever seen in my life.

seriously. it's so fuckin cute i can't even handle it.

ch-ch-changes, pretty soon now you're gonna get older

alright so it's the beginning of a new month but i have not had my traditional end of the month freak out. it's the end of the semester and i'm ok with that. so that's improvement i guess. i'm still worried about other things though.

so much change so quickly and there isnt anything i can do about that. i havent had so much change in such a long time i dont think i'm adaptable anymore. i said in all my college essays how adaptable i am because i'm an army brat and i think it's a lie. or it's the truth but it's only after i resist strongly to the change in the first place.

my dad is retiring which means that for the first time i wont have the military in my life. we're moving from the house that i've lived in the longest in my entire life. and my mom is switching jobs. how is my family supposed to get through all this at one time?

i dont want to move again. i've finally gotten to a place in my life where i dont view everything as temporary and i'm afraid i'll lose that. it's taken me 19 years to get here. i always knew we couldnt stay on an army base forever but it still shocks me that that time is now. that's the only place that's ever been home to me. 8 years seems like an impossible length of time and it surprises me that it went by so quickly.

i never would have thought i'd feel that way about this place. i was so pissed we moved here. like really really pissed in my 11 year old way. i had plans that did not include new jersey. i had friends in places i wanted to go back to. i dont feel that way anymore. i never would have thought that when people asked me where i'm from i would actually answer "new jersey" instead of "no where." is that melodramatic? whatever, that was always my answer. it isnt anymore. i'm so glad it isnt anymore.